And Then
by colorlessxjv
Summary: She's different, he thinks. A follow up to 'A Dedication'.


She's different, he thinks.

Sometimes he feels like he's dating a different person. She's brasher, more likely to offer up her opinion these days, and less willing to back down at the first sign of confrontation. She's stopped wearing her ponytail, letting her hair loose around her shoulders most days, and he doesn't think he's seen her wear a single cardigan since they rekindled their relationship. She is less concerned with Alice Cooper's opinion and when her mother calls her one night when she's over at his place, she doesn't shake with anger or anxiety or sadness afterwards. The scars on her palms have healed, and he notices that she doesn't fist her hands as often as she used to.

He doesn't dislike the change, but he takes a second to mourn the death of Betty Cooper as he knew her.

Parts of the girl he remembers remain, though. She's still selfless to a fault; when he gets sick with the flu, she skips a lecture to make him soup and takes the long subway ride over to his apartment to nurse him back to health. She still detests the word 'perfect'.When she has her first project due, and he can tell she's stressed by her tense shoulders, she smiles and tells him that things are fine, even though they are decidedly not. She still bakes when she feels overwhelmed (not that he's complaining) and she's still the first to offer help in any way, even if her time is stretched thin, even if she's dead on her feet. It's these parts of her that make her distinctly _Betty Cooper_.

It's been three months since they had started dating again, and he's still learning these new parts of her. The weather was starting to chill, the leaves beginning to change color, and it was this point at which Jughead's insecurities began to get the best of him.

A part of him, the more rational side of him, knows that his pessimistic nature arises from years and years of growing up in the Southside, from years and years of getting his hopes dashed. But the emotional side of him, the side that is drowning out any sort of reason in his head, is asking what exactly she's getting from being with him.

He would be lying if he said that these thoughts didn't pervade his mind during the course of their high school romance, but back then he could come up with an answer. Betty back then had a dark side; her anxiety took her into dark places and the light would fade from her eyes, even as she continued to smile. Back then, Jughead would be the one to bring her back.

She's less of this girl now, he thinks. Even at the pinnacle of her most busy weeks, she pulls _herself_ from the edge of darkness. She will close her eyes, breathe through her nose, and when she is done with her meditation, she stretches out her fingers and never lets the light leave her eyes. Her fingernails never pierce her palms. He's happy for her. She's found her peace, and he, more than anything, had always wanted this for her. But Jughead begins a silent countdown to when she'll realize that she doesn't need him anymore, when she'll pack up her bags and leave him.

When winter comes, he begins to number his days. When he kisses her, he imagines that it'll be the last time. When he makes love to her, he tries to catalog the feeling of her body against his, the salt of her skin when he presses his lips to her and her quiet moans and breathy sighs.

Despite his misgivings, he gives her a key to his apartment, and now she's over at his place more often than her own. Her curly blond hairs have woven their way in his hairbrush and her pink toothbrush cohabits the cup where his lives. She'll cook him dinner without announcing it, and he'll return from work and _just pretend_ that this is the way that it's all going to turn out.

It's one of these nights when he comes home, and she's eating Chinese takeout in her underwear, watching TV, her long pale legs kicked up on the coffee table, that he realizes it's too late. He realizes that he's fallen in love with her all over again.

"Jug? Hey, Jug are you okay?"

Her voice pulls him out of his reverie, and he gives her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Betts. My mind was just somewhere else. What were you saying?"

She throws him a suspicious glance before saying, "I was telling you my friend from Cal is coming to New York to visit her girlfriend's family. Toni? I told you about her."

He wracks his brain for a second before vaguely remembering a picture on Betty's Instagram of her with a purple haired black girl at graduation. "Yeah, I think I know who you're talking about."

"I promised her we would meet her for lunch this weekend," Betty says, absently playing with his hair, "I've told her a lot about you..." Betty's voice drifts off as her eyes meet his.

He smirks, "Only good things I hope."

Betty rolls her eyes. "Honestly, I'm worried you guys might get along too well."

He doubts that.

Jughead finds himself walking hand-in-hand with Betty through East Village on Saturday afternoon. The air has chilled considerably, and Betty's face is half wrapped in a soft grey cashmere scarf, her nose and cheeks pink from the cold. Jughead's wearing his beanie again, tucked over his ears, as the frigid wind seeps into his winter coat.

They meet Toni at a Chinese hot pot restaurant, the steam instantly blasting his face with warmth and he feels the prickles underneath his skin as he thaws. Toni carries herself with the casual confidence of someone who was born to be an extrovert. She's wearing a soft and worn flannel shirt underneath a dark denim jacket, with ripped baggy jeans and Doc Martens, and a small gold septum ring peeks out through her nostrils. Jughead thinks to himself that she's possibly the _coolest_ girl he's ever seen. She's much more relaxed than Betty is, but her energy is infectious enough to even reach Jughead, and he finds himself laughing along with Betty at Toni's stories of her recent exploits, of attending protests in San Francisco while studying for the LSAT at her parents' home in San Jose.

He likes Toni, he thinks. Firstly, she has great taste in music and movies, he learns, so the conversation between them flows freely. She's intelligent and opinionated, and she's sharp and sarcastic enough to go head to head with him. She has a bright personality that shines upon everyone she talks to, and most of all, she makes Betty shine. He doesn't think he's seen Betty laugh so candidly, so uninhibited, for quite some time, and it is with a pang of sadness that he realizes it's yet another thing she doesn't need him for.

When Betty leaves to go to the restroom, Toni quirks an eyebrow at Jughead.

"She's told me a lot about you," Toni says, her voice lowering to a conspiratorial tone.

His gaze levels with her. "I'm sure she has," he says.

She's studying him now, with interest and a bit of a challenge in her eyes. "Do you love her?"

At this, his mouth dries. Has he been that obvious? "Yeah," he admits, "I do."

Toni's gaze warms and she smiles at him. "You know she loves you. She probably has, all this time." Her hands clasp over his, enveloping him with comfort, assuaging the feeling that if he blinks, all of this will disappear.

Betty returns, and they make their moves to say goodbye. Toni wraps both of them in tight hugs and they wish her happy holidays. And when Betty and Jughead are heading back to his apartment in Brooklyn, he holds her hand on the subway ride back. She squeezes his hand, once, then four times, then three. 1, 4, 3.

He smiles at her but she's already grinning so broadly that he starts laughing. She kisses him on the cheek and tucks her face into the space between his ear and shoulder, burrowing into his neck. He thinks she whispers an "I love you" into his skin, and he lets the words seep into him like an ointment.

Back at his apartment, he undresses her.

He slowly unwraps her from her winter layers, peppering her with soft kisses as each layer is shed. She sighs happily, wrapping her arms around him when she's truly and completely naked.

"I love you," she says finally.

"I love you too," he says, and it's the purest truth he's ever told. "I love you so much, Betty Cooper."

He can feel hot tears at his eyes, and he knows it's not much longer until the dam holding in his emotions finally breaks. So he lets it.

"Sometimes I'm afraid that you don't need me anymore. You're this strong, wonderful person and you've grown up so much and sometimes it feels like...it feels like I'm the same Jughead Jones. I'm the same guy who will get to have you for just a moment, before you've realized you've outgrown me."

Betty pulls back from their embrace, looking like she's been slapped.

"Jughead...Jug...no..." she says, her brows knitting together. "I _do_ need you. I've always needed you."

He lets out a huff of breath, embarrassed. "I know, it's stupid. I can't help it..."

Her hands go to his face and she forces his gaze on her face. "Jughead, look at me," she says, as her eyes focus on his, "I'm still the same person. I've learned to deal with my issues all these years because...I can't let you be _responsible_ for me or my problems. In high school I was a fucking wreck- I wasn't ready to be with anyone else, much less be comfortable with myself." Her eyes are glassy, searching frantically in his, looking for his understanding. "I wasn't ready," she says, finally, "but now I am. I'm ready to love without reservations. And I'm sure about this love. I'm sure about what I want. I'm sure about _us_."

And then he finally gets it.

He kisses her, his lips tasting the salt of her tears as they finally fall. Her fingers weave into his hair and his beanie falls to the floor as she pulls him closer and closer until he can hardly tell where he starts and she begins. He feels all the walls he had put in place begin to crumble, and he's naked, fully vulnerable for the first time in a long time, and he's ready to finally give her everything, every part of him.

She pulls him onto the bed, arms circling around him, letting his body stretch over hers. With her arms tight around him, she pleads, her voice breathy in his ear, "Don't leave me".

 _I won't,_ he promises silently. _I won't let you go again._

 **AN:** Hi everyone. Thank you to everyone who read and commented on _A Dedication_ ; your kind words definitely guided me to write this follow-up. I'm also posting on AO3, and will most likely be posting there first if I write anything else. I'm also available on tumblr now: .com


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